Pure signal.

It is time to Close Source language

It is not easy to use language well. Learning how to speak and write is a non-trivial investment, and beyond that, not everyone can use language equally well. Some people, in comparison to the norm, are gifted with additional wit and fluency. So does it not make sense to leave the production of important acts of language to professionals?

Should “hobbyist” language arts practitioners be trusted to conduct business such as proposals of marriage? The education of children? Surely if we left words laying around for public use, people could use them to lie, they would use them inefficiently, and more importantly, in the market economy in which we live, if everyone was trusted to use their own language, professional word arrangers would have a hard time making a living.

You kids who quote songs to one another in love notes — you think you are using a fundamental freedom — but the people who wrote those songs produced commodities, and they deserve to be paid. You are stealing. That is a crime.

Where do you think all of the nouns and verbs came from? Surely you don’t believe that they all arrived with you, as part of the furniture of your soul? You have stolen those words (do you object to that word? Did you pay for them?) which you use to conduct your lives from the professionals who made them.

Surly it is clear to you, that if you only referred to templates that were created by professionals:

The bathroom request.
The passing of condiments.
The declaration of love.

That despite some awkwardness (like having to adjust to the interface of Microsoft word to write a letter) you would use clearer and better constructed language in most situations than you do right now. Plus, the fact that everyone was using the same language would make understanding each other much easier. All of that messy individuality that leads to misunderstandings would be cleaned up.

You would not have to spend a lot. You could buy dictionaries of phrases. Language libraries which you could use for any purpose. Cruder expressions with shorter words would be cheaper, of course, but all the basic functionality would be there. Elaborate phrases for the finer ear could be purchased for more. And the phrases and expressions needed to create content and conduct business would be available in “Server” packages. Because most of the common people aren’t interested in actually creating anything significant anyway. You could also get licensed to use the “Server” packages properly, and get a certificate so that people would know you were not some kind of renegade.

Everyone knows that you language hobbyists “steal” or “share” the language that you use. I would like to request that you all acknowledge your debt, and renounce your criminality and remit $100 a year for the words you have used up until now to the language authority (the company of which I am the General Partner: Microspeak), to keep language practitioners in business. We will soon be publishing authorized language packages for you to purchase based on your individual needs. (as many as six different basic packages in both home and professional versions) You are not serious in how you use language anyway. And if you all do this immediately — I might hire 20 of you to produce more language for everyone else.


December 25, 2007 - Posted by | Uncategorized

1 Comment »

  1. “words only belong to those who use them, until someone else steals them back”

    I fear your satire will become reality if we “stay the course”

    Comment by Chuk! | December 29, 2007 | Reply

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