bootslack

Pure signal.

Hrdaya

Opening the heart center or
to come to the heart or
heart coming

or looking outside of yourself (just a peak)
to take on the feelings of others.

One method to be sure
in Malibu when you see, from
the perch of your air conditioned Mercedes
calf vagina leather seat
that someone wants the parking space
in front of your yoga salon
so you go round the block one more time
Yanni in the CD changer
praising yourself for not jumping in front of him
even though with 10 cylinders of gasoline powered Viagra
that motherfucking parking place was yours
if you wanted it, but man
you are working on opening your heart cakra
and you put his needs ahead of your own.

And good on you.
No really — what you did was better than
just grabbing the place — we aren’t taking that away from you
and even though you mistake the feeling
of smug self satisfaction
that you indulge
over coffee, in the elevator, in any pause in conversation
as captive audience after captive audience
hears from you about self sacrifice and eastern religion
and whole foods and global warming
for the rest of the day
even though you mistake your pleasure in hearing yourself talk
for the actual opening of the heart cakra itself. It’s OK.

Forgive yourself! Self congratulations feels a lot like enlightenment.

And after all you did not see
for just one second
that person in the other car
as an opportunity or a threat.
And that is good.

But that is different from looking into
the vacant eyed man at the bus stop
working the dead end job
illiterate or almost so
saving for his retirement not knowing
that he has cancer
grinding out year after year in a loveless marriage
with a dim sense that a reward is coming
to replace the few bright days of his youth as they grow blurry and dim
and how before he can cash in his 401k he will fall to metastasis
and a confusing whir of medical personnel and machinery
and grudging visits from a resentful family and too soon
(oh, too soon… because even this you can get attached to)
nothingness.

A nothingness without a hint of redemption or satisfaction or glory
just a painful petulant question mark
extending and fading
and gone.

There is a certain terrible beauty in that.

Talking to a friend of mine I said:
“You just have to let go of her, man.”
And he said
“I can’t.”

We all know what he meant — it has become a popular rejoinder
to the kind of bubble gum religiosity which spends itself
on surrendering parking places
and lectures on whole foods.

“I can’t.” surrender obsessions.
“I can’t.” surrender sin.
“I can’t.” surrender the pain that makes me so important.

When you see the terrible beauty
of the sad dying man at the bus stop
you will never say “I can’t.” again.

Because it isn’t true that you can’t,
what is true is that you must.

Because whatever bothering you right now is nothing.

You are that man
and first you are going to lose everything that you love,
and then you are going to die
and that is terribly exquisitely beautiful.

Don’t miss it.

Advertisements

July 20, 2008 Posted by | Poems | 1 Comment

The problem with LSD

The problem with acid is threefold. People aren’t really doing acid, they aren’t doing enough acid. And they aren’t doing acid in the right environment.

The most powerful single capacity of an acid trip is to investigate the status of what Tim Leary would call ones “first circuit programing” — or in common terms: do you feel fundamentally safe? Most people do not feel fundamentally safe, and even those that can feel fundamentally safe experience it as something which happens due to their environment. The variability of the feeling — the fact that it is just a feeling — is the most powerful single drug induced insight a human being can have.

People who have experienced a first circuit shift describe it in terms of realizing that they are immortal, that God loves them and that there is nothing they could ever do that would change that, that God is looking over everything and everything, no matter how it seems, will be OK in the end. A lot of first circuit work leads to more moderate statements — “I know that even though I will experience pain and fear there is no way I will ever be subject to them again.”

Problem is, if you do acid in an unsafe environment, at the moments when you are open to imprinting, you continue to be unsafe, so the experience will either be worthless or will confirm the individual in their existing limitations and paranoias.

Most acid available on the street is weak, and much of it is actually other hallucinogenic drugs or even forms of LSD which are mind altering drugs, but not ones that do effective first circuit program changes. Low dosages of LSD-25 are “fun” but basically meaningless. High doses of LSD-25 in a bad environment are terrifying.

The optimal trip is 1200 Micrograms of pure fresh acid with a group of people who are not trying to exploit you in any way, (sex boundaries and comfort talking about sex are really important), and who themselves have experienced first circuit reprogramming — so that they understand what it means to feel “safe.” and are capable of encouraging your own movement to and return to that state. Once you are anchored in that state, it can be fun to experience the “forest states” — or the feelings of radical paranoia and un-safety (feelings that one is totally insane, is evil, is dying etc) to see how those can be entertaining, and how you do not need to be subject to them any longer.

Deep therapies involving body work and hypnosis, and just being raised by healthy and highly inteligent parents in an economically advantageous environment can also create the feeling of fundamental safety in a person — but experiencing the fact that it is nothing more than a chemical wave — in short, experiencing that you can detach from your investment in your own state of fundamental safety is arguably something that is best experienced through the medium of drugs.

It’s also worth pointing out that you can’t “get there and stay there” with drugs. The drug illuminates or reveals an insight, it is up to the person to then do the appropriate psychological and philosophical work to develop those insights into actual profound personal change.  If you don’t anchor the drug work then it is just like any inspiring book or movie which could have changed your life but didn’t. At the end of the day there are no real short-cuts, but that’s OK because at the end of the day no one is really going anywhere anyway.

July 19, 2008 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment

The data deluge makes the scientific method obsolete.

“The data deluge makes the scientific method obsolete.”

http://www.wired.com/science/discoveries/magazine/16-07/pb_theory

Glib hip pop bullshit.

I think it is closer to: “There are so many people trying to write
about science without taking the time to understand it, and so many
people who want to read about science who don’t want to take the time
to understand it that the market could be monetized much more
efficiently if we just took the stumbling block (science itself) out
of the picture.”

Because what people really want are those “Wow that is neat!” moments,
which they can get from CGI, and they want to feel important, which
they can get by washing and sorting their glass bottles and reducing
their carbon footprint and buying “Free Tibet” stickers at rock
concerts where Al Gore tells them they have the power to change the
world.

Yes computers change the way science is done — but you have to
understand what an experiment is, and what a computer is before you
can say something meaningful about that change.

July 12, 2008 Posted by | People who fucking Suck | 1 Comment