Pure signal.

My Kitty

I am missing my kitty today. I have seen him out of the corner of my eye in a hundred different places and it’s made me very sad. We have moved since we lost him — which I’m actually very grateful for — the old house felt very somber once he was gone and being in the yard would not have been any fun at all any more.

I commented to my mom that it seemed like it’s been more than a year since he passed, but it’s only been 5 months, which I think is amazing. What an awful thing to have happen. One’s own death is a matter of no concern (except for those with overactive imaginations) but losing the people we love is certainly the worst thing that life has to offer us.

In the months before he died (we knew, as I mention in the memorial, that he was dieing) I took special care to sit and really look at him to try to notice all the little details that made him unique — the shape of his ears, and pattern of whorls on his head. His long legs and how he sat with his tail (which never stopped moving unless he was sleeping). The way he liked to keep his fur (he was a fastidious groomer) and his numerous very specific facial expressions and postures. I tried to be fully aware of the details of him, so that they would live on in my mind after he was gone.

I don’t know if there is any point to any of that, but the grief I feel for him is definitely a very specific grief, and the idea of forgetting him (which would be impossible in any event) is a horror.

One odd thing about him — my mom had a couple of drinks which she drank with a straw. He watched her do this, and got the idea, but could never figure out the details. He would get her straw out of the trash when she was done, and would take it to his water dish, and leave it in the water dish. He knew it went there, but couldn’t really get it past that. He was also fascinated with my pen and would often try to take it out of my hand, or would sit next to me and watch me write (when I wrote longhand) and then paw at the paper where the pen scratched. He was a remarkable little man.


August 17, 2008 - Posted by | Uncategorized

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